


Till the very End

by CaptainCaptainJill



Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Dom/sub Undertones, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gender-neutral Reader, Higgs is a manipulative piece of shit but he loves you in his own twisted way, Light breathplay, Minor Spoilers, NSFW, One Shot, Other, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:21:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29196801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainCaptainJill/pseuds/CaptainCaptainJill
Summary: Higgs is trouble, Higgs is danger. But how could you resist him? Feeble yet powerful and with no intent of holding back or letting you go. Ever again. Till the very end.
Relationships: Higgs Monaghan/Reader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	Till the very End

**Author's Note:**

> One, two, three,  
> Higgs will come for me.  
> Five, six, seven, eight,  
> Fuck, it's getting late.  
> Who needs sleep anyway, writing at night is so much fun.
> 
> I have literally no excuse for this.
> 
> This Higgs x reader one shot is set shortly before the beginning of the game and contains some form of plot so I tagged it with minor spoilers just to be sure ;)  
> Have fun.

**Till the very End**

_And when humanity finds its end eventually, you will be there. Waiting for him at the beach._

You were a porter working for BRIDGES, mainly traveling around in the eastern region. Everything from Central Knot City to Capital Knot City belonged to your area of operation. Primarily delivering cargo between the cities and for the local preppers. Occasionally you traveled further covering the route from the way station to the distribution center west of Capital Knot. But mostly you sticked close to home.

Your home, that would be Capital Knot. Growing up in a big town determined you to become a privileged city brat. Choosing from a variety of comfy yet boring city jobs, just like your family did before. However, you turned out different. Born within the safety of a shelter you strived to leave it. You were not made to live and die in the grueling comfort of a bunker. There was no use in blaming your family for your freedom seeking spirit. They did their best to keep you with them and the safety of the city. But it was living underground what slowly broke your soul apart. As you grew older you became more and more determined to leave. And finally you did.

You signed up with BRIDGES and became a porter. Wearing the dark blue suit with pride, working hard and making a living. However also visiting home whenever you could. So the family bond was never severed.

You loved your job dearly. But it was more than just an occupation. It was your destiny. You couldn’t think of anything else to do rather than wandering through the apocalyptic and crumbling world, delivering cargo and facing the different lurking dangers. From timefall and BTs to MULEs and terrorists. Defying uneven terrain in worn out shoes. You stood strong against the harsh winds. Handling every obstacle with a smirk and sheer boldness.

And somehow you managed to survive this long.

You had just stepped out of the shower. Praising the comforts of the private room provided by BRIDGES in their distribution center. Your porter gear was neatly placed on the wall opposite of the bunk bed. Already decontaminated and cleaned. Working for BRIDGES came with some neat perks. Beside the feeling of purpose in being a porter.

Covered with nothing but a towel, hair still dripping and skin damp, you moved towards your backpack. Kneeling down and searching your pack for an extra set of clothing. While doing so you contemplated drowning some painkillers with on of the cans of that green energy drink, sitting on top of the desk near the bed. Feeling the exhaustion of your joints and back muscles. No one said it was a simple job. Fulfilling, but also challenging. Both physical and mentally.

The comforting silence of your sanctuary was violated by a weird sizzle. An electric ripple stirred the air in the room. Momentarily raising the hairs in the back of your neck. A now kinda familiar sound. Followed by an also fairly familiar voice.

"Hello, darling.", he purred.

_Higgs._

His sudden appearance wasn't enough to startle you. He had visited you quite often by now. Somehow you had gotten used to it. And to the strange feeling caused by his chiral jumps. You didn't felt the need to turn around to face him. It was your way of testing the waters. To see what kind of mood he was in. It had been a particularly difficult journey. You were tired now. He should know that. Whatever his intentions were, you would find out sooner than later.

His persistent interest in your humble self constantly caused you to wonder. Even after all this time the two of you knew each other. You were just a porter. No one special. Him on the other hand, a feared and infamous terrorist. A wanted man. This turned you into a rather odd couple. The leader of the separatists group known as _Homo Demens_ actually saved your life back then when you first met.

You’ve caught his attention one fateful day, where you had ended up in a rather sticky situation. After you've failed to outrun the timefall you had found yourself trapped in an area swarmed with BTs. One wrong move and you were tangled in tar, firmly retained by black, oily hands. Ready to be swept away and deleted. But your end never came.

The reason you caught his eye was simple. You weren’t afraid. Unlike every other human being on the verge of extinction. At the very instant of a void out, you showed no signs of fear. Not to be mislead, you didn’t wanted to die. You had plenty of years ahead of you, with the full intent of spending them lonesomely carrying cargo through the vast, ragged landscape of what used to be America. You didn’t wanted to die, but you didn’t fear death.

And just when you thought you had met your ender, a hooded figure pulled you back on your feet. The shadows made of cold tar releasing your limbs. Seeping back into the ground while the timefall stopped. The sun resurfaced and warm rays, filtered through thin clouds, bathed you and your savior in a moment of pure vividness. A golden skull, the flamboyant symbol of death, preserving your life held the same paradox meaning like your fearlessness despite your imminent demise.

He didn't told you his name. And you didn't told him yours. There was no need to do so. Not in a world where it was so difficult to form connections. Besides you already had an idea about who he was. And the next time you saw him, you showed him your gratitude. He was pleased by your willingness to satisfy him.

From there on Higgs came to you regularly for his pleasure. You were not entirely sure why you let him into your life or why you allowed him to stay in it. Maybe you were just as desperate and touch starved as him.

You dismissed the reminiscence, left the comfortable chamber of your mind and returned to reality. You were still fumbling in your pack, with your back still turned on him. _Bad idea._ Unable to sense his mood today you'd better face your intruder soon. Yet you didn't wanted to rush things.

Higgs seemed to be still standing where he had prior landed. Silently observing your every move. Scanning your damp skin. Carefully planning his next move.

"What do you want?", you asked in a neutral tone.

"Do I need a reason to visit my favorite ‚Slave Porter Bridges‘?"

You snorted. He tried to be funny and his miserable attempt turned it into comedy.

"I've missed you, darling.", he playfully purred.

His footfalls were somehow muffled. Which surprised you. He was quite tall and wore heavy military boots. You were glad he wasn't chiral jumping around the room though. You may have gotten used to the electric sensation but that didn't mend you particularly liked it.

Higgs moved to where you were currently kneeling. Accompanied by a chilly waft of air carrying his presence, until it alarmingly soaked the entire atmosphere in the room. You got up. Feeling his eyes burning in the back of your head and piercing straight into your soul.

He softly placed his hands on your shoulders. The padded leather gloves were cold and rough against your naked skin. You could feel his hot breath as he planted a chaste kiss to your nape, erupting goosebumps across your back. He brought his head next to yours. Pressing his nose in the dip behind your ear. Inhaling your scent.

"Mmh, fresh.", he murmured.

His tongue darted out of his mouth. It left a wet trail on your cheek. He seemed satisfied with both your smell and taste. And so he turned you around to finally face him.

As you’ve already guessed, he didn’t wore his golden mask. The mocking skeleton grin hovered next to his head, glittering and reflecting the artificial light within the room. With alazy wave of his fingers it disappeared into thin air. He knew you hated the damn thing.

His face was surprisingly clean. There was only a hint of tar beneath his eyes. Forming a mysterious shadow to accentuate his blue irides, highlighting their infinite turmoil. Sadness and anger seethed within his eyes. Raging oceans exposing pieces of his inner life. He allowed you to see them as long as you were also vulnerable for him. Slowly he curtained his negative emotions with a thick layer of his intentions in regards of you. A cunning smile tugging at the corner of his eyes, slightly curling his lips.

Higgs brought his hand to your visage. Gently grabbing your chin. Lifting your head to gain a better view. Tracing your bottom lip with his thumb. Obediently you opened your mouth and he slid his finger in. The texture of his leather glove felt foreign against your tongue. He looked pleased by your initiative as you welcomed him.

While you were still distracted by his thumb he acted. Using his free hand to reach for the knot, that held your only cover in place. Sparing you from his look and touch. Quickly he loosened the knot. With a muted thud the wet towel fell to the floor. And with that you were completely naked. Unshielded from him and whatever he had in mind for you. Ashamed you tried to cover yourself up with your hands. But he stopped you by catching both your wrists.

"Don't.", he growled warningly. "I need to see you."

_I need to see your true form._

Your true form. Now uncovered for him and his eyes only.

"Beautiful.", he said. Eyes tracing over your naked body. Taking in the sight. A privilege reserved exclusively to him.

He noticed everything. Every blemish. From the red marks on your shoulders from carrying tons of cargo to the negative handprints burned into your flesh by the crushing grasps of the Beached Things. The creases and wrinkles in your skin. Birthmarks. Scars. Freckles. The body fat that in your eyes seemed out of place. Too much here, too little there. Same goes for muscles.

Scanning every flaw of yours cautiously with his gaze. Every fold. Every mark. Everything you’ve always hated about yourself. And everything that made you feel insecure about yourself. And he loved every single bit of it. He loved your flaws deeply and cherished being gifted with the permit to see them. He loved your scars so dearly because he hated his own so deeply.

Higgs never asked for your permission. But you always silently granted it. Your body spoke in behalf of you, whilst your mind fiercely fought with your heart. A futile power play that repeated itself life a broken record always and always again. You liked to believe that you could stop him anytime. That you _could_ resist him. That you could tell him _no_. You wanted to believe that you actually had that kind of strength left in you. Truth was, you didn't. You just told yourself the same lie over and over again. However, deep down you knew, you had long ago fallen under his spell.

It was a clever trick. While you were now distracted by his wandering eyes and lost in his sincere praise, he gently lead you to the bunk. You only realized you had been moved after the edge of the bed bumped into the back of your knees.

He pushed you backwards. Gently laid you down on the soft cushion. Climbing on top of you. Still wearing his full attire. Save the BB-pod, grenades and odradek. Just now you noticed he lacked his usual equipment.

A knee pushed between your legs. Creating sweet friction. He hovered above you. Like a supernal shadow. A tall mountain. A dark cloud of ecstasy. This was your descent into madness.

His head bent towards yours. Faces almost touching. Lips almost touching. A flicker of static between you. _Boom._ His lips were soft but chapped. His short beard scratched your chin. The kiss was filled with unspoken need and desire.

He licked your bottom lip. Again you obeyed and granted him access. You let his tongue roam freely. He pressed his knee firmly upwards. Eliciting a muffled groan from you. He swallowed the wanton sound greedily.

Breaking the kiss he lifted his head to admire his work. He did so little yet you reacted so intensely. You really were responsive to his touch. Higgs’ face was shaded by the black and gold fabric of his hood. Still you could see his expressive eyes. Whilst yours were clouded with lust his burned with passion. A blue flame. Untamed.

You reached up to remove the hood but he admonishingly swatted your hands away.

"Not so fast, darling.", he said grinning. "I am here to enjoy. No need to hurry."

There was a sinful promise within his dark voice.

From this angle you could only surmise the cryptic glyphs tattooed across his forehead. The ones replacing his eyebrows however were quite visible. It looked ridiculous but he never questioned you fashion choices either. So you never touched the topic.

Higgs discarded his gloves ungraciously to the floor. The golden metal plates rattling upon impact. His hands searched contact with your skin immediately. Now unrestricted by any layer of fabric. You leaned into his unholy touch. Slender, calloused fingers traveling firmly across your delicate skin. Squeezing and rubbing. Seeking tangency.

His lips pressed a light kiss to the corner of your mouth. Then moving downwards. Planting feathery kisses along your chin and neck. Your head fell back, displaying your throat on a silver platter.

Hot breath on cold skin. A shiver chased across your torso. You could clearly feel the growing bulge in his green army pants.

He smirked against your collarbone. Predatorily nipping at your hide. Biting down. Even drawing blood. You yelped thanks to the sudden pain, quivering involuntarily. He whispered comforting phrases against the breached skin, not even the hint of an apology. Eagerly licking up any spilled blood.

His presence was like hot, liquid gold slowly filling up your lunges, in an unrightful attempt to drown you. Merciless. Unrestrained. And so you let it happen. Feeling stranded on a grey beach next to an endless ocean. Suffocated by his touch. _His waves._

Higgs planted kisses across your chest, your stomach all the way down to your navel. Mockingly his tongue traveled a bit lower. But stopping right before where you needed him most. Leaving you groaning in frustration. He snickered at your impatience.

The sound of his zipper went past your consciousness. Hands gripping your flesh possessively. A pained whimper fell from your lips. He caressed your hair in a soothing manner, thanking you silently for letting him in. He buried himself deep inside you. Stretching you deliciously.

A single tear seeped out of the corner of your eye and ran down your temple. Right before it could drop into the pillow, Higgs drew his tongue out to sleek it up. Unabashedly enjoying the salty taste of your discomfort. Though the latter was only temporary. He started moving and slowly your distressed sounds turned into sensual moans. Much to his delight.

You reached out to hold on to him. Searching for both leverage and skin contact, anything. Yanking the hood off of his head in the process, not caring about possible consequences for your disobedience. Apparently he didn’t care either. Brown locks slightly shadowing the manifesto of mania inked into his forehead. Your palm gently cupped his cheek. Feeling his stubble as he leaned into your heavenly touch. Your other hand wandered to the back of his neck, fingers tangled in his hair. Pulling a bit in order to coax a low growl out of him.

Meanwhile Higgs was clinging to your hip like he was drowning. And he was drowning. In your now unrestrained vocalization of the pleasure he was endowing you with. His short nails were digging into your flesh. Strong enough to leave red marks and almost turning his fingers numb.

Every thrust was filled with meaning. With unspoken truths and revelations. But you shared a mutual understanding. His movements and your body’s response, a transcendent dialogue superfluous of real words.

His right hand slyly made its way to your neck. Thumb sliding slowly over your throat. His fingers lightly clasping around your windpipe. A forewarning. You went rigid. Not wanting to challenge him. Not this time at least. Higgs squeezed. Testing. Yet your suppressed moan didn’t seem to satisfy him. So he squeezed harder. Now things were about to get interesting.

You pondered if maybe he was intent on killing you. To spare you from the upcoming end of the world. Tears started to dwell in the corner of your eyes. And just as your vision was about to turn black, he released his grip. You were grasping for air. Coughing violently. He looked at you with caution. Scanning your face for any traces of fear. He found none.

Your fearlessness was the biggest mystery to Higgs. Ever since he met you he wondered why you weren’t afraid. All the moments spend together he tried to figure you out. Much to his annoyance, he could not. However there was no need to fully understand you in order to posses you.

After some time he began to think that Amelie had send you to him. You could give him everything she couldn't. He wanted to believe that his sweet angel of death had send him a heaven. You truly were heaven to him.

Your sheer beauty enthralled him. Shining eyes, gentle lips and honest hands. Human yet beyond nature. Almost otherworldly. Not only your physical appearance charmed him. There was beauty in absolutely everything about you.

In the way you walked trough life. Brave and bold but never truly reckless. How you tied your boots and loaded up your cargo. Determined to bring it to its destination, no matter what obstacle might appear on the road. When you took a short nap within the safety of a timefall shelter. Breathing slowly, body relaxed. And in the smile that plastered your face as a cryptobiote landed on your hand, sweetly talking to it before letting it float away again. It seemed that you were at peace with many parts of your life, including the inevitable end. Perhaps that was your remarkable secret.

Higgs admired your calm,sapient and deliberate mindset. He even partly envied you for it. Fully knowing he would never reach this kind of concord. All the more reason he was drawn towards you. He may have cursed you with his presence forced upon you but you truly had blessed him with yours. And he was unwilling to let you go, ever again. So when humanity will find its end eventually, he hoped that you would be there. Waiting for him at the beach. Ready to be consumed by the dark waves. Hand in hand. Drowning for good. He hoped that you would be there for him. Together for the eternity of afterlife.

One hand found its way down to your sex. His fingers caressing the sensitive skin. He was teasing you. Stroking you ever so slowly. You growled at him. _Stop teasing._ And as if he cared, he sped up. Only to stop all of his movements at once.

"Please.."

"Please what?" His grin was almost cruel.

"Please don’t stop."

He staid still. So you moved. Desperately grasping for friction he was deliberately denying you. But before you could properly snap your lower body upwards, he caught your hip and forcefully pushed you back into the mattress, leaving you empty in the process. Another frustrated sound escaped your throat.

"Didn’t I told you not to rush?", he objurgated and clicked his tongue, obviously displeased by your lack of discipline.

You dared to harshly tug at his hair, fully knowing how he might react. Throwing the earlier proclaimed intention straight out of the in this case non-existent window. You just had to test him in order to get what you desired from him.

He was quick, of cause, grabbing both your wrists and slamming them on the bed next to your head.

"Don’t you fucking move.", he warned in a low voice, only releasing his grip after you nodded.

You kept your arms in place, just like he demanded.

Higgs firmly pressed his mouth against your neck. Teeth scraping over the previously violated skin. Pain and pleasure mixed together, wringing small sighs from you. And then his lips moved downwards, carving an elegantly curved trail across your upper body, accompanied by his hands caressing your sides. Leaving the skin in his wake burning, he traveled further and further, passing your navel to finally finding the highly wanted destination.

Those sinful lips, aided by his tongue, expertly worked on your most sensitive spot. Cursing under your breath you resisted the strong urge to grab him by the hair. Your shaking form told him how good he was doing. But instead of doubling his effort, he slowed the pace. Elongating your pleasure while keeping you on edge.

The sound of his cajolery filled the room, overlapping the muffled humming of the air vent and occasional whirring from one of the ceiling lights. The terminal beeped, indicating the arrival of a new mail, probably your next delivery request. Not that you cared.

Engulfed in pure bliss you failed to notice how his mouth left you and how he entered you again. You gratefully welcomed his powerful thrusts. The rhythm was agonizing and made you cry out in despair. Wishing for him to finally grant you release. You let out a series of reluctant pleas, music to his ears, begging him for relief. And when you stood at the verge of hopelessness he complied. You rewarded him with heavenly moans.

Higgs hovered above you like a strange entity. His form blurred in and out of existence. Black and gold. Ocean eyes. A shadowy and dust clouded grin. Tar. Timefall. BTs. The beach. He appeared to be everything and nothing at all. _A fleeting particle._

Absentmindedly you reached for his shoulders. Desperate fists clutching his cape. Knowing he could disappear any second, you tried to keep him close to you. As close as possible. Through lidded eyes you caught his gaze. He studied you carefully, his eyes burning into yours. However he wasn’t scolding you this time for touching him. Small beads of sweat were forming on his forehead, covering the enigmatic glyphs with a thin glistering film.

The way you were clinging to him, distraughtly pulling at his clothes, was probably the closest display of fear you seemed capable of. Anxious about loosing him. Anxious he might leave you. In a sober state it never occurred to you to even think about him leaving you. Actually the contrary was true, you wondered if you could ever escape him. If he would ever set you free again.

Higgs dipped his head down. His lips claiming yours. You kissed back vigorously until he robbed the last of your breath. He whispered praises against your cheek. How good you were for him. How much he liked to see you submissively quivering beneath him, taking him so well. How much he adored your passionate cries. He never spoke of love though. Denying you this high form of devotion, by never verbalizing it. There was a dark spot in his past, preventing him from confirming his feelings with those three cursed words. So he choose a different method. By pounding you into the bed, getting lost in your deep eyes and breathing sweet profanities into your skin he expressed all the love he was capable of showing. Hypnotized by his might, you eagerly accepted.

He was close, you could tell by the way his movements became frantic. Your body moved on its own will, meeting his thrusts. There was nothing uncoordinated about it. Had you two danced many times before, in the tightest embrace of each other and with no space left between your bodies. Together. Falling down into an endless pit yet spiraling upwards into infinity at the speed of light. Floating through time lacking spatial awareness. Blinded by the apocryphal light paradoxically existing in the theoretical location of your inevitable demise. Ultimately crossing the bridge towards the beach and perceiving the fresh ocean breeze caressing your frames, while cold waves washed around your feet. Grey sand and black water.

Feeling his presence and touch deep within you was more than fulfilling. He was mercilessly permeating you and your entire existence. Body and mind amalgamating into a divine unit, exiling any thought in order to liberate every feeling from the corrupting grasps of logic, leaving nothing but pure emotion.

Your head was spinning, your vision blurry. Him and his movements were everything you sensed. There was no need for anything else. Just him. _Just him._

Golden particles were exploding behind your eyes, successfully erasing the crumbling world around you, the gruesome future, as well as reality itself. For the entire duration of a serendipitously stretched moment, lasting an undefined period of eternity.

Warmth flooding your every cell, while electricity sparked inside your core, momentarily killing and resurrecting you in a never ending spiral of untamed rapture.

The sweet symphony of your unbecoming was the last bit he needed to send himself flying off the edge. And with one final thrust he filled you, cursing and mumbling incoherently.

For a pretty while you two were panting into each others faces. Just feeling each others presence, while coming down from your high. Slowly sinking down and back to earth, catching your breath and reconnecting with the present.

Eventually he left your body, plopping down on the bed next to you. Smiling stupidly satisfied.

After a while you started shivering. Only now noticing he was fully clothed while you were naked to the bone. He draped the blanket over you. Sleep was catching up on you and you were about to doze off. Pushing a still slightly damp lock from your forehead, he pressed a loving kiss to your temple.

"I will see you at the beach.", he whispered.

"I will wait for you at the beach.", you mumbled tiredly.

Higgs stayed until you fell asleep. He looked at you. Admiringly tracing your relaxed face with his fingertips. Gently stroking your hair. Thanking extinction for her lovely, heavenly gift.

And just like every other time before, when you were gently woken up by the simple melody of the BRIDGES alarm clock, you found yourself alone in the room. No signs that Higgs even ever had been here in the first place. Save for the traces he left on your body. And mind.

Standing in front of the mirror you observed your reflection. Acknowledging the evidence of his visit which had been etched into your skin. A light purple collar decorated your neck. His handprint stood out among the otherworldly ones. Love bites covering your shoulders, complimenting the red scratches caused by hauling cargo. He always made sure you remembered that you belonged to him.

Wearily you rubbed your face, casting sleep away. Opening your eyes again something aroused your attention. The reflection of a familiar silhouette. A golden sparkle, only visible for the shortest amount of time. You blinked and it was gone.

Stepping into the shower, washing away his dirty imprints, you could still feel where he had touched you. As if his fingertips were still ghosting over your skin. Delicately tracing your contour. Sending a pleasant shiver down your spine.

There was no use in denying it. You belonged to him. No matter how much you fought the truth. Higgs had caught you in his web with no intention of ever letting you go. Not until humanity was gone. And even after that.

You shook your head. Unable to chase the inescapable truth away. From the moment he laid his blazing eyes upon you, fate formed a adamant, impossible to sever bond. A fact which inherited pure irony. In a world where it was so difficult to form connections you, favored by your fearlessness, involuntarily created one with the herald of death.

A soft sigh escaped your lips, indicating your defeat. You knew, that in the end you would be waiting for him. At the beach. Ready to be consumed by the dark waves. Hand in hand. Drowning for good. You knew you would be there for him. Together for the eternity of afterlife.

Inseparable melted together, into pure, liquid gold.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
